I was awake earlier. Boom—now I am not. Miraculous winter sun bends its way into my upstairs office, where I haven’t been in days. I have online classes to work through, marketing plans for ThanxBot to investigate and implement, fall cleanup to get to (it is March), spring cleanup to work my way around to feeling guilty about (oh, wait—that one is easy).
I can’t even quite recall all the things on my real and/or virtual lists, but I know I’ll be spending more time correcting typos than tackling those items. Six in just that last sentence, and I am quite a competent typist! When I do think of one of the key items, I heave a sigh of exhaustion. It really does all feel too much, and I truly hate to admit that. There is great difficulty in avoiding calling myself lazy, though I’m pretty sure laziness isn’t the problem. What to do? How to cope empathetically with that exhausted frustration?
I don’t really know how to get rid of the fog when it settles in, and it doesn’t always last for long, but sometimes many hours are lost to it. Reading doesn’t work as distraction or diversion as I must re-read every sentence, and complex ideas are beyond my current comprehension. I come to the conclusion that I have a Twitter brain—blips of thoughts at a time are all I can handle!
There must be a better way through to the other side, a compassionate, non-self-denigrating way. Let’s try gratitude!
I am grateful I work for myself and can pace myself. Very grateful for that one!
I am grateful for the sun today and a minute to feel like my cat curled up in the rays.
I am grateful for the ability to slow down and climb out of the daily rush. Yes, it is a bit molasses-like inside my head, but I don’t have to hate myself for it—it is what it is.
Lean in! Go with the (lack of) flow! I can find slower activities that work with my zero at-the-moment energy and brain capacity. Forward motion is motion nonetheless.
I am grateful to have a bread machine, ingredients, and recipes I know work so I don’t have to improvise, which would ask too much of me right now.
I am grateful I have laundry to put away.
I am grateful I have a dog that enjoys walking and a route I don’t have to think about. Because sometimes mindless is better than mindful or may even end up at mindful without being led there.
I am grateful I have a desk that needs neatening—I can handle that! (Narrator: she didn’t handle it)
I am grateful I have a blog that needs writing. I can almost handle that, though, honestly, the typos are driving me crazy. But I have powered through the blog post, I can power through the day, as long as I accept that powering through sometimes means powering down, and that’s OK.
